沟通是解决问题的第一步

长杨堂

如何让父母和子女的关系更顺畅、更快乐、更和谐？（原创）
   （特别是有初高中年龄阶段孩子的家庭）
首先我们得学会沟通。很多人认为这是人人都知道的道理，是老生常谈。但这么浅显的道理很多人并不善于实践，可能只是从认知上知道，并不是真正地掌握。
    沟通的第一步，就是把你的想法、做法，你的感受、情绪、情感告诉对方，切记自己不加任何评判，只是让对方知道你的所思、所需、所做、你的感受，以便给对方提供了解你此时的全部信息。
    沟通的第二步就是引导对方把他的思想、感受表达出来，也要求对方不加评判。例如“你这样做，你是怎么想的？你有什么感受？”或者“我这样做，是不是影响到你？你是怎么想的？你的感受是什么？”，问题可以多样的，只要给对方一个表达的机会都可以。此时也许你们的问题自然就会解决了，人有时只是希望对方理解自己而已。
    第三步是相互协商解决问题，找出相对好解决问题的方法。从点到面来慢慢解决，不太可能一下都解决完，但是会让问题向好的方面转变。这不仅适用于增进父母和子女关系的运用，还适用于家庭其他关系的改善。
    请记住，表达的目的在于要让对方知道自己的想法，不要压抑这种不良情绪，积累情绪只会让问题更加复杂化，进而形成人际关系恶性循环。许多的家庭问题都出在这个方面。

今天就写这么多，纯属个人观点。

小雨点123

谢谢分享！支持原创！期待续集~~

长杨堂

小雨点123 发表于 2013-4-4 23:13
谢谢分享！支持原创！期待续集~~

感谢鼓励，会继续加油。

assel

Yes communication with kids is an art.
We need to learn active listening skills as parents.
Just quote something about active listening from a bood I am reading which I think is helpful for communication.

here are four approaches parents use to talki to their children.
1. patronising (oh, you poor things, let me fix it for you."
2. lecturing (you are stupid to have got into this mess, so I will tell you what to do. Now listen carefully to me...)
3. Distracting (Oh well, never mind, that's no big deal. let's go and play)
these communication approaches put up a barrier between your children and you.
4. active listening. this approach is found as the most positive way parents can help kids find ways dealing with life later on so he or she will be less vulnerable.
the following shows the examples for each approach.

assel

Patronising
"How was your day?
"Bad!"
"Oh, your poor things. Come and tell me all about it."
"We had this new teach for maths. And I couldn't keep up."
"Well, thats really awful. Do you want me to help you with the work after tea?"
"I did not bring it home."
"Perhaps I could ring the schoo tomorrow and talk to the principal?"
"Oh, well, I dunno..."
"I think its best to get to the bottom of things before it gets worse, don't you?"
"Well, err...mmm."
"I wouldn't want your education to suffer."
"Uh-huh."

assel

Lecturing
"How was your day?"
"Bad."
"Well, you're a fine one to complain. If you'd spent more time learning, you would have a nice easy time."
"Well, we had a hard time. We've got this stupid new maths teacher..."
"Now don't you go talking about your teachers in that tone. If you paid a bit more attention you'd be better off, my boy. You think you should have everything on a plate!"
"Hmmm."

assel

Distracting
"How was your day?"
"Bad!"
"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad was it? You want to eat something?"
"Thanks. I'm a bit worried about maths..."
"Well, you're no Einstein, but neither are your Mum and dad. You go and have some fun and don't let it get you down..."
"Uh-huh."

assel

Active listening
"How was your day?"
"Bad!"
"You look really unhappy. What went wrong?"
"We've got a new teacher for maths. He goes too fast."
"You're worried you won't be able to keep up?"
"Yes. I asked him to explain part of it and he said just to pay more attention."
"Hmmm...How did you feel about that?"
"Really wild-the other kids all laughed at me...but they're having trouble understanding too!"
"So you're angry that you got into trouble because you asked the question first?"
"Yes, I don't like getting shown up in front of everyone."
"What do you think you will do?"
"I am not sure. I suppose I could ask him again, when the class is over."
"You think that would work better?"
"Yes, then I wouldn't feel so embarrassed. And I think the teacher is a bit nervous too. Maybe that's why he rushes."
"You can understand it from his point of view?"
"Yeah, I reckon he's just nervous of us."
"No wonder, teaching such smart kids like you!"
"Yeah!"