儿子在学校又有头疼事，更新一下

WENDY_NZ

儿子去年从５月份就开始上YR０，今年上YR１，之前那个班的同学都被分去不同的班了，之前他有两个很好的朋友可惜现在不在一个班，就只能下课一起玩儿。而且他们每周有三节课是全年纪在一起上，儿子就会去找他们和他们坐在一起，当然坐一起就会说话什么的。

昨天老师和我说儿子喜欢和一些不好的孩子在一起，还主动去找他们，我一开始不知道老师说的是谁，以为儿子认识了什么不三不四的坏孩子，回家以后儿子很委屈，说新的班级的同学都比他小很多，他在新的班级很孤独，很想念以前的班级的同学，老师说的＂坏孩子＂就是他之前那个班认识的最好的两个朋友，他不知道他们为什么是＂坏孩子＂。

听了儿子的话，我内心很能理解他，但是他在上年纪集体课的时候不应该去找他们说话，这方面我已经和他说了，上课的时候不要和他们坐在一起，互相影响。可是昨天老师的意思是也不希望儿子下课以后和他们接触，还和我说应该好好和他谈谈如何正确择友。

可是据我了解，那两个孩子都不错，都很聪明也很有礼貌，之前也不曾听以前的老师说过什么。至于现在的老师为什么这么说可能有她自己的判断，而且她肯定是出于好意不想让我儿子学坏。

作为家长我还真有点为难，他们三个好朋友要被活活拆散，我有点不忍心，而且有没有什么可以说服儿子的理由或者足够的证据说明他们不是好孩子，毕竟我没有天天在学校看见他们平时都干了什么，老师这么说肯定是见过他们有过不当的行为。

哎呀，说了这么多，懂我的妈妈们来说说我该咋办啊？谢谢大家了


更新：后来老师再没有提起此事，我也没有刨根问底，因为最近儿子确实和他们保持了距离，老师对他这几天的表现非常满意，已经到了不可思议的程度，我想他的这个老师很年轻，可能在为人处事上欠妥。不过真心谢谢大家的帮忙和关注。

watermelone11

你还是马上问问老师，为什么那两个孩子是不好的小孩吧。作为妈妈，我更担心他真的跟不好的小孩子混在一起呢。

无过

问清楚为什么那2个孩子不好

:TicklyRain:

先弄清楚“坏”孩子到底哪里坏。是不是真坏，还是小孩子的顽皮。老师的好坏标准也不一定准确。自己再做判断是否要让儿子和他们继续来往。

jjjji123

是哪一所学校啊？？分班之前能制定班级么？？

ss_apple

还是先和老师好好再沟通一下， 问一下详情?

中国人民

问清楚老师为什么说那二个小朋友是不好的孩子，马上就去问，而且要说明自己的儿子喜欢跟以前班级的孩子一起，因为一起呆久了，如果是我，我就会说，
话说我儿子也上1年级了现在，但是他说大部分都是他以前班级的小朋友，只是他以前最好的那个朋友去隔壁班级了，他们每天都还会找对方玩，
学校难道不是把12月底，1月，2月初出生的孩子放到一个班级吗，我问了我儿子的老师，他们是这样啊，这些去年上过0年级的会再分成2个班，

assel

I do not understand how comes the teacher talk like this... Normally the teachers here would not be so unprofessional and talk about the students in such a negative way as "bad kids".

会员

是在哪家学校啊？
我觉得让你困惑的不是孩子们，而是这个老师。
“老师这么说肯定是见过他们有过不当的行为。”这只是你个人的想法，咱们先假设这个想法是成立的，
那么孩子们所做的不当行为，到底有多不当？才会被老师定义为“坏孩子”？
每个孩子都会犯错误，都会淘气，有的时候没有听老师的话了，或者跟别的小朋友打架了，这些其实都是非常正常的事情，如果老师真的是有事实根据，才把某个学生定义为坏孩子的话，那老师就会通知校长，然后让这个孩子转去其他学校了，而不是在这里让别的小朋友远离。
如果换位思考的话，被定位坏孩子的父母知道这件事情的话，会怎么想呢？
而且这还没有说你对另外那两个孩子还是有所了解的，难道你都开始怀疑自己的判断了？
新西兰的教育理念一向都是让孩子自由的成长和发展，平时都是以鼓励和赞美为主。
我个人认为问题出在这个老师身上，他对那两个孩子有什么偏见，我不知道。
但是一个老师去和别的孩子的家长说自己学校的学生是坏孩子，这就已经说明他不是一个称职的老师。
不过你也确实够难的，我能体会到。因为：
1） 不想剥夺自己孩子交朋友的权利，这样的话，自己的孩子怎么分辨好和坏呢？
2） 这个老师又是你孩子的班主任，又不能把关系搞僵了。
3） 家长是不应该怀疑老师，但是也不能盲目的全部相信，这个老师并没有说出什么充分的证据来证明他的要求，而且他的要求已经剥夺了孩子的自由，就连下课时间都不能和谁谁谁在一起，这种偏激的做法在新西兰我还是第一次听到。
最后，楼主要考虑考虑，这个老师是真的出于好意不让你孩子学坏？
如果老师真的为孩子着想的话，起码要先听听孩子的心声吧。估计没准是这个老师的个人偏见，利用你的孩子来发泄他对某个孩子的厌恶。其实我一开始也觉得，你应该去和这个老师沟通，但是后来一想，去了也白去。还不如你从其他方面了解一下另外两个孩子，是不是“坏孩子”，也可以和他们的父母接触看看他们的人品。如果确定是坏孩子，那就不用说了，如果真的不是，那我觉得你应该去和校长要求转班，这在新西兰的学校是完全可以的。这是你和你的孩子的权利。

WENDY_NZ

中国人民 发表于 2013-2-28 12:15
问清楚老师为什么说那二个小朋友是不好的孩子，马上就去问，而且要说明自己的儿子喜欢跟以前班级的孩子一起 ...

他们学校没有啊，都是混在一起的。

WENDY_NZ

会员 发表于 2013-2-28 12:42
是在哪家学校啊？
我觉得让你困惑的不是孩子们，而是这个老师。
“老师这么说肯定是见过他们有过不当的行 ...

是啊，我之前也接触过他们的家长，都是有教养的家庭，一个是KIWI，一个是印度人，看了大家的留言，我今天去学校会和老师再好好谈谈

中国人民

WENDY_NZ 发表于 2013-2-28 12:43
他们学校没有啊，都是混在一起的。

你也别太强硬的口气，你懂得阿，
那我们家孩子的学校怎么是这么分的呢，不过我觉得这样分好处是进度很像，便于管理，因为我家22，33是2月3月的生日，所以我特别在意这个班级怎么分的，问了是这样，我就放心了当时，我还以为学校都是这样的呢，

一粒尘

别说在新西兰，就是在中国，也不能说一个孩子是坏孩子，即使他再顽皮捣蛋。只能说每个孩子，每个成人都有优缺点。很奇怪这位老师会给孩子下定论。

会员

WENDY_NZ 发表于 2013-2-28 11:50
是啊，我之前也接触过他们的家长，都是有教养的家庭，一个是KIWI，一个是印度人，看了大家的留言，我今天 ...

所以说问题出在这个老师身上。
不过你和他谈的时候要用技巧。
让他感觉你不是任他摆布，但是你又不是无理取闹。

ddj

请问老师的原话是什么？"naughty? mean? or ...?"

ddj

说实话，听老师这么直接地对一个家长打其他孩子的小报告，还真是...

assel

如果是我我会严重怀疑此老师的专业水平。

四个太阳

同样不理解老师怎么会说“坏孩子”，实在不应该呀，在任何情况下都不应该，尤其对其它孩子的家长。是不是哪里误解了呢？
原来我女儿的小学就会每年打散原来的班从新搞，学校的目的是让孩子有更多的朋友。

四个太阳

5月生日是可上可下的，多数会到低年级，我个人倾向去低年级，我觉得尤其对男孩子，相对女孩成熟晚，优势会更多一些。

会员

这是新西兰政府的规定和建议。
Schools and the law                                 Updated 01 Jun 2010
Inappropriate teacher behaviour

---

From time to time, teachers hit the headlines for supplying alcohol to students, accessing pornography or forming inappropriate relationships with students. Between 2000 and 2003, 58 teachers were deregistered for this and other forms of inappropriate behaviour.
The number involved is comparatively small - there are approximately 80,000 teachers in New Zealand.
If you complain about a teacher, the principal (and board of  trustees, if you complain to them) has an obligation to investigate.
Minor matters These will usually be dealt with by the principal and may require little more than an informal chat. The teacher may  undergo a period of supervision or retraining.
"Principals have very broad discretion as to how they manage  allegations of teacher misconduct, especially in the early stages," says Clair Trainor of YouthLaw, in Auckland.
Serious misconduct Once the details of a serious complaint have been assessed, the board will interview the teacher and give them a chance to put their side of the story.
The circumstances of each case will determine the appropriate course. The board can decide to: dismiss the complaint, censure the teacher, impose additional training or dismiss the teacher. If there is a suggestion of criminal behaviour, the matter may be handed over to the police.
Mandatory reporting The Education Act 1989 contains a mandatory reporting regime that requires a board to report in writing to the Teachers Council, about teachers who have resigned or have been  dismissed in circumstances related to their competence or behaviour.
Under the Education Standards Act 2001 schools that do not comply with the notification requirements will be liable to a fine of up to $5000. The Act also obliges the courts to report convictions of teachers punishable by imprisonment of three months or more, to the New Zealand Teachers Council, within seven days of the conviction.
Our advice

• Try to form a clear idea of what the problem is and what you think should happen, before you contact the school.
• If an event concerns you, make notes about it - even if you don't intend to lay a complaint. You may change your mind later, and will probably need the notes to help remember what happened.
• Make your complaint as soon as possible after the event. If there is a delay, explain in your letter why this has occurred - for example, you may have only just found out about it, or your child may have been frightened of the repercussions if you complained.
• Keep copies of all correspondence. If you write to the principal, send a copy to the board of trustees as well.
• Often, it's best to raise a matter directly with the teacher in question. But if you think this is inappropriate, take your concern to the principal. If the matter cannot (or should not) be dealt with informally, you will need to put your complaint in writing to the principal. If the complaint is about the principal, it should be in writing to the chairperson of the board of trustees.
• If there is no satisfactory outcome from a school investigation, or there is a valid reason not to go to the school in the first instance, take your complaint directly to the New Zealand Teachers Council.
  

会员

这是新西兰政府的规定和建议。
Schools and the law                                 Updated 01 Jun 2010
Inappropriate teacher behaviour

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From time to time, teachers hit the headlines for supplying alcohol to students, accessing pornography or forming inappropriate relationships with students. Between 2000 and 2003, 58 teachers were deregistered for this and other forms of inappropriate behaviour.
The number involved is comparatively small - there are approximately 80,000 teachers in New Zealand.
If you complain about a teacher, the principal (and board of  trustees, if you complain to them) has an obligation to investigate.
Minor matters These will usually be dealt with by the principal and may require little more than an informal chat. The teacher may  undergo a period of supervision or retraining.
"Principals have very broad discretion as to how they manage  allegations of teacher misconduct, especially in the early stages," says Clair Trainor of YouthLaw, in Auckland.
Serious misconduct Once the details of a serious complaint have been assessed, the board will interview the teacher and give them a chance to put their side of the story.
The circumstances of each case will determine the appropriate course. The board can decide to: dismiss the complaint, censure the teacher, impose additional training or dismiss the teacher. If there is a suggestion of criminal behaviour, the matter may be handed over to the police.
Mandatory reporting The Education Act 1989 contains a mandatory reporting regime that requires a board to report in writing to the Teachers Council, about teachers who have resigned or have been  dismissed in circumstances related to their competence or behaviour.
Under the Education Standards Act 2001 schools that do not comply with the notification requirements will be liable to a fine of up to $5000. The Act also obliges the courts to report convictions of teachers punishable by imprisonment of three months or more, to the New Zealand Teachers Council, within seven days of the conviction.
Our advice•Try to form a clear idea of what the problem is and what you think should happen, before you contact the school.
•If an event concerns you, make notes about it - even if you don't intend to lay a complaint. You may change your mind later, and will probably need the notes to help remember what happened.
•Make your complaint as soon as possible after the event. If there is a delay, explain in your letter why this has occurred - for example, you may have only just found out about it, or your child may have been frightened of the repercussions if you complained.
•Keep copies of all correspondence. If you write to the principal, send a copy to the board of trustees as well.
•Often, it's best to raise a matter directly with the teacher in question. But if you think this is inappropriate, take your concern to the principal. If the matter cannot (or should not) be dealt with informally, you will need to put your complaint in writing to the principal. If the complaint is about the principal, it should be in writing to the chairperson of the board of trustees.
•If there is no satisfactory outcome from a school investigation, or there is a valid reason not to go to the school in the first instance, take your complaint directly to the New Zealand Teachers Council.

WENDY_NZ

四个太阳 发表于 2013-2-28 22:55
5月生日是可上可下的，多数会到低年级，我个人倾向去低年级，我觉得尤其对男孩子，相对女孩成熟晚，优势会更 ...

完全同意你的观点，所以很庆幸儿子今年还在读YR１，而且是班里面最大的，但是他现在和班里那些刚入学的小弟弟小妹妹都没话说，十分想念那些已经去了YR２的同学。

WENDY_NZ

会员 发表于 2013-3-1 11:39
这是新西兰政府的规定和建议。
Schools and the law                                 Updated 01 Jun 20 ...

谢谢了，这么热心的帮忙

会员

WENDY_NZ 发表于 2013-3-1 10:43
谢谢了，这么热心的帮忙

客气。都是中国人，在国外都不容易，这么辛苦给下一代创造了这么好的生活条件，
我们在这交的税啊，生活上花的钱啊，其实比他们洋人多多了，（某些逃税骗福利的不算）
难道在我们使用我们的基本权利上面就要打折扣吗？当然不行。
我们一定要据理力争。

deliciousegg

WENDY_NZ 发表于 2013-3-1 11:43
完全同意你的观点，所以很庆幸儿子今年还在读YR１，而且是班里面最大的，但是他现在和班里那些刚入学的小 ...

就差半年，有这么大差距啊？

WENDY_NZ

deliciousegg 发表于 2013-3-1 12:09
就差半年，有这么大差距啊？

是啊，因为他已经上了８个多月的学了，好多刚上学的小朋友都很SHY

pala

我也好奇老师的原话是怎样的，怎样定义＂坏孩子＂的？

GUMMYBEAR

老师怎么可以随便定义一个孩子为坏孩子，很不称职的教育工作者

ginocui

谣言止于智者 那个老师这样不行哦 小孩子们之间的感情是很珍贵的 不可以这样说断就断 不用跟老师再谈这个 可以扩大孩子的交友圈。。。

JIAOJING815

如果老师这么定义孩子为坏孩子的话,那么这老师本身观点也存在一些问题...只能说孩子有时候会有一些不好的行为,每个孩子都会或多或少有一些,看家长跟老师怎么去引导罢了...
多交流看看老师不喜欢他们一起玩的原因到底是什么?如果孩子确实有不好的行为的话,也可以及时发现,及时引导;如果没有的话,不必去理会老师的评论就是...
老师对孩子的影响确实很大就是...不同的老师观念跟想法都不同,能遇到懂得欣赏孩子的老师对孩子的身心发展都很有益处...