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One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation,called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're makingsome cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said,"Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don'tknow whom to fire."
The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive.Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got aproblem. You see, I've got to lay you or Jack off and
I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "You'dbetter jack off. I've got a headache."
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Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class,obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name. "Yeah teach?" he replies.
"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot oneof them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.
Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them witha shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."
"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one witha shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.
"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone,one is licking it, and one is sucking on it.
Which one is married?"
The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers,"Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the icecream."
Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the weddingring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"
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A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcasespacked in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you'regoing?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as wellearn money for what I do to you free."
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comesback down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do you think yougoing?" the wife asks. "I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When i was a kid my Fairy God mother asked me if i wanted along memory or a long penis - i can't remember what i said
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