【床上运动】热量消耗参照表zz 要减肥的MM必看

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【床上运动】热量消耗参照表zz

根据严格的鉴定和多次的实验，报告显示如下：（cal：卡路里）


脱衣服

经她同意..........................12 cal
未经她同意......................187 cal

除去胸围

用两只手..........................8 cal
用一只手..........................12 cal
一只手被打......................37 cal
用嘴..................................85 cal


戴上“套子”

雄伟耸立........................... 6 cal
绵软不举............................315 cal


前戏

搜寻“目标”...................8 cal
确定G点 ..........................92 cal
老子不在乎.......................0 cal


进入

抱着她................................12 cal
在地板上.............................8 cal


不同体位

传统型...............................12 cal
69卧姿...............................8 cal
69站立...............................112 cal
老汉推车............................216 caL
意大利吊灯........................912 cal


高潮

真实...................................112 cal
假装...................................315 cal


高潮过后

躺在床上...........................................18 cal
跳下床去...........................................36 cal
凝思苦想她愤怒离去的原因...........816 cal


第二次

16 至 19 岁......................12 cal
20 至 29 岁......................36 cal
30 至 39 岁......................108 cal
40 至 49 岁......................324 cal
50 至 59 岁......................972 cal
超过 60 岁.......................2916 cal


穿上衣服

安静的.....................................32 cal
匆匆忙忙.................................98 cal
听到她老公正在开门.............1218 cal


要减肥的MM要注意了 一定要控制好热量的摄取  比如说 吃了一个麦当当的芝士汉堡 热量307cal         那么为勒保持好身材 一定要假装一次高潮 减去 315 cal 这样才能没有小肚肚哦  {:5_279:}{:5_279:}{:5_279:}

huilai0224

{:7_365:}{:7_365:}{:7_365:}

hyz326

{:7_365:}{:7_365:}{:7_365:}{:7_365:}

Triangle..

今夜一乐。。900cal

VIP88

69站立...............................112 cal

UV15

意大利吊灯？！无图无真相!

virus

lz的数据绝对是山寨啊 哈哈哈 真正的sexual activity 活力充沛的一小时才能消耗105cal

virus

calories Burned During Sex

The Act of Insertion If the man is ready (same vice-versa)                1/4 calories
If the woman is not (same vice-versa)                274 calories


Satisfying Partner (organ size)

Most experts agree that size means nothing. Shape is what counts, and the man with a shaped organ can write his own ticket. In those rare instances where a man has a genuinely small member, he may have to compensate by working slightly harder, but this is good for weight loss. A man with a really large organ, while he might not have to work as hard once inside, may exhaust himself just trying to convince his partner to let him put it inside.
Normal size                22 calories
Oversize                15 calories
Tremendous                8 calories
Teensy-weensy                163 calories


Positions Man on top, woman on bottom (facing each other)                20 calories
Woman on top, man on bottom
(Many women find that in addition to its inherent sexual possibilities, this position affords a better view of the clock.)                25 calories
From the rear (Mysterious variation)                40 1/2 calories
Standing: Both partners of equal height                18 calories
Standing: Woman 1 foot taller than a man                90 calories
While in traction
(very useful during ski season)                124 calories


Locations On a bar stool                20 calories
Rear of a Honda Civic                38 calories
In a phone booth, standing                14 calories
In a phone booth, lying down                274 calories
On an airliner, aisle seat                24 calories
On an airliner, middle seat                42 calories
On an airliner, window seat                30 calories
On an airliner, in the lavatory                100 calories


Possible Side Effects of Intercourse Bouncing                7 calories
Sliding around                9 calories
Serious Skidding                12 calories
Full cartwheel                20 calories
Whiplash                27 calories
Knee burn                6 calories
Chafed elbows                5 calories
Chafed nose                11 calories


Sex Related Noises Short gasps (per gasp)                3 calories
Wheezing                5 calories
Squeals                4 calories
Ecstatic moaning                11 calories
Low growling                8 calories
Squishing                10 calories
Shouting                16 calories
Screaming                18 calories
Urgent begging                22 calories
Any short speech giving partner directions
("Please don't stop," "Faster," "Just a little more" are common examples.)                25 calories


Approaching Orgasm Letting go                5.5 calories
Controlling yourself                79 calories
Digging nails into your partner's back                11 calories
Trembling                15 calories
Shaking                20 calories
Shuddering                25 calories
Trying to keep eyes open                33 calories


Orgasm Real                27 calories
Faked                160 calories


Orgasmic Intensity Scale Expression didn't change                1/2 calorie
Face turned purple                15 calories
Orchestra swelled                6 calories
Magical explosions                10 calories
Blazing Sheets                25 calories
Earth moved                30 calories
Vesuvius erupted                47 calories
You began moaning in Latin                60 calories


Pulling Out After orgasm                1/4 calorie
A few moments before orgasm                500 calories


Multiple Orgasms
For women:               
2                14 calories
5                30 calories
8                47 calories
(Depending on greed her rate of recovery a woman can enjoy around 8 orgasms within an hour period without losing consciousness or disarranging her hair. As the number increases, however, she may begin to experience a form of "reduced sanity" that will temporarily interfere with her ability to cook, worship ,and ride a Moped.)               
For Men:               
2                21 calories
3                39 calories
4                57 calories
(For a man, its a different situation, perhaps due to physiological and biological reasons. Many men can enjoy up to 4 orgasms in an hour with little discomfort except for the slight ringing in the ears. With few exceptions, however, a man who tries to achieve more than 10 orgasms within that same period is flirting with irreversible brain damage.)               


Special Orgasms Clitoral.                15 calories
Vaginal                21 calories
Penile                21 calories
Scrotile                15 calories
Rectal                25 calories
Oral
(can also occur during an especially good meal)                30 calories


Premature Ejaculation* During insertion                2 calories
During intercourse
(Approximately. 2 sec's or 3 thrusts after insertion, whichever comes first.)                5 calories
During foreplay                3 calories
Immature ejaculation
(Similar to premature ejaculation except male acts childish and throws a tantrum.)                4 calories


Consequences of Premature Ejaculation

Even if you have a good heart, it takes much understanding not to feel like a victim when your partner climaxes after 3 sec's of intensive sex, especially if he immediately sits up to watch the football on tv.
For Women               
Frustration                8 calories
Anger                15 calories
Violent mood swing                20 calories
Surpressing rage                25 calories
Not surpressing anger
(In extreme cases, this can include cursing, nose tweaks, and gently massaging partner's head with a tire iron.)                65 calories
For Men:               
Cursing                10 calories
Apologising                3 calories
Snivelling                5 calories
Pleading for mercy                8 calories
Begging for another chance
(Note how unfair: Men never seem to mind if a woman has an orgasm after 3 seconds of sex.)                15 calories


Possible Side Effects of Good Sex

The first indication that sex was a positive experience will be a buzzing in the pelvic area and a clear complexion. You might also feel pleasantly light, as though you were dozing in a vat of cream cheese. If sex was really terrific, you feel dangerously drained, as though your body had been connected to a large milking machine for several days. Additional reactions include:
Swooning                6 calories
Palpitations                10 calories
Shortness of breath                5 calories
Perspiring                8 calories


Possible Side Effects of Bad Sex A less-than-sunny desposition                1 calorie


Recovering Un-entwining                3 calories
Regaining motor control of pevis
(After especially tiring sex, you may feel numb from below the waist to the opposite wall. The result will be an inability to walk [put one foot in front of the other], which will seriously impair your chances of going to the bathroom or getting some juice.)                7 calories
Standing up                9 calories
Getting some juice                11 calories


Rolling Over and Going to Sleep
After intercourse
(Classic behavior for shiftiness men who believe they've done their job and are now entilted to a rest. This "rest" may include snoring.)                18 calories
During intercourse
(Women find this to be a subtle, yet direct way of suggesting dissatisfaction.)                32 calories
During foreplay
(Indicates either an advance case of fatigue or a serious lack of interest.)                12 calories
Avoiding the wet spot                80 calories


Trying Again If the woman is ready                5 calories
If the man is not                156 calories


Dreaming Regular dream                2 calories
Wet Dream
Add 5 calories if it occurs while in bed with your partner;
Add 20 calories if your partner notices                16 calories
Wet Trance
(Usually occurs in the presence of a sensual hypnotist.)                20 calories


Group Sex Introducing yourself                3 calories
Overcoming shyness                8 calories
Swapping partners, willingly                4 calories
Swapping partners, unwillingly                62 calories
Jealousy
(Partner having more fun than you are)                16 calories
Mixed doubles                26 calories
Being nice to everyone                100 calories
Anger
(You suddenly realize that you're wanted for you body and not your mind. Difficult to cope with, especially if you have a Ph.D.)                10 calories
Finding your clothes                5 calories


Masturbation For pleasure only                6 calories
For exercise, too                10 calories
For relief from tension                12 calories
To pass the time                7 calories
To avoid overeating                16 calories
To get in touch with inner self                10 calories
To get in touch with outter self                10.5 calories
To avoid insanity                24 calories
To avoid spending money on a date
(In addition to being a viable alternative to television, shopping, and binges, masturbation is a quick and inexpensive way to get warm.)                9 calories
Using your hand(s)                11 calories
Using your finger(s)                9 calories
Using tweezers                2 calories
Using an inflatable doll                24 calories
Using Any fruit or vegetable
(Except watermelon or a sprig of parsley)                19 calories
Using a vibrator, hand-operated                12 calories
Using a vibrator, windup                9 calories
Using a vibrator, electric                5 calories
Using anything not mentioned here                50 calories
In a pornographic movie theater - purchasing the ticket                2.5 calories
In a pornographic movie theater - finding isolated seat                78 calories
In a pornographic movie theater - adjusting raincoat                3 calories


Typical Sex-Related Fears Partner hates me for what I did                4 calories
Partner hates me for what I didn't do                8 calories
Forgetting the instructions in the sex manual                10 calories
Climaxing too soon                5 calories
Climaxing too late                6 calories
Not climaxing                20 calories
Partner thinks of me as a sex object                9 calories
Partner doesn't think of me as a sex object                47 calories
Partner will neglect to adminster last rites should I not recover from orgasm                88 calories


Personal Fears Gigantic cellulite that shake and ripple during orgasm                6 calories
Stretch marks that look like a plowed field                8 calories
Penis envy                72 calories
Body odor of a disgruntled yak                25 calories


Getting Caught By partner's spouse                60 calories
By your spouse                60.5 calories
Trying to explain                165 calories
Stuttering                28 calories
Throwing up
(Calorie counts here are flexible, depending on type of spouse-whether understanding and open-minded, or narrow-minded and armed)                40 calories


Almost Getting Caught Trying to remain calm                100 calories
Fright (includes trembling)                66 calories
Leaping out of bed                25 calories
Getting dressed in one large motion                300 calories
Thanking partner quickly                2 calories
Jumping out of window
add 5 calories if window wasn't open                15 calories
Landing                1 calorie
Running very fast                50 calories

你太有才了

意大利吊灯有图有真相

男子站立，双腿微曲以保持平衡，女子双手环报男子颈部，双腿分开置于男子身体两侧，由男子双臂托起，女子呈悬挂状态，臀部下垂，男子调整手臂高度使双方**接合，男子通过腰部与手臂力量，使女子来回摆动....

virus

1 kg  body fat = 7600 calories

无名の小菜花

你太有才了~

vessalica

这个帖子简直是太棒了~！

superspa

意大利吊灯---日本人管它叫----火车便当.
这个好像是关月雛乃最喜欢的姿势

猪猫小公主

谁能把内英文的翻译一下，哈哈·~~~~~~~~~~~~

姚小盒

天啊。好久没看这么专业的帖子了。中英文版本，外加组图解释....我的天啊。oh my lady gaga

你太有才了

oh my lady gaga{:7_361:}

UV15

让我们一起来呼口号：

大杂烩太NB了！混大杂烩太有才了！
普及意大利吊灯，支持观月雏奶。

erxingqianli

最后一句，经典···

你太有才了

技术贴 要宣传

greentree

人如其名你太有才了这么强大专业的帖子让我佩服阿建议大家吃了减肥药在抹上减肥膏可以加速脂肪燃烧还有塑型的功效

迷雾新西兰

两只小驴的演示图太经典了
图文并茂
让我充分了解了事发时的情况

delpielo

进来膜拜楼主和英文完整版

混口饭

你太有才了

燚焱炏火

Locations On a bar stool                20 calories
rear of a Honda Civic                38 calories
In a phone booth, standing                14 calories
In a phone booth, lying down                274 calories
On an airliner, aisle seat                24 calories
On an airliner, middle seat                42 calories
On an airliner, window seat                30 calories
On an airliner, in the lavatory                100 calories

koop

佩服佩服，可惜英语不好看不动啊哈哈哈哈，有才，就是有才

Felixhunter

什么是意大利吊灯？？？？？  谁是 观月？？？？？？