本帖最后由 季雪儿 于 2012-8-31 09:07 编辑
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her.
One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."
Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot.
On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through a knot hole in the fence, right into my flower garden.
It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?
So, now, on game days, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers.
Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck!
Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
Well, you know", said the little old lady, "not everybody pays."
**Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,**
**'Hello?'**
**'Hi honey.**
**This is Daddy.**
**Is Mummy near the phone?'**
**'No, Daddy.**
**She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'**
**After a brief pause,**
**Daddy says,**
**'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'**
**'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mummy,**
**Right now.'**
Brief Pause.
**'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.**
**Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs**
**And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mummy**
**That Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.'**
**'Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.'**
**A few minutes later**
**The little girl comes back to the phone.**
**'I did it, Daddy.'**
**'And what happened, honey?' **
'Well, Mummy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.**
**Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser**
**And now she isn't moving at all!'**
**'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?'**
**'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.**
**He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window**
**And into the swimming pool.**
**But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water**
**Last week to clean it.** **He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.'**
*****Long Pause*****
*****Longer Pause*****
*****Even Longer Pause*****
**Then Daddy says,**
**'Swimming pool? ...........**
**Is this 4955 5566 ?'*
*No, I think you have the wrong number.........
有次房东问我 did u eat anyting yet? 我说no.
她听后重复了一遍 so u didn’t eat anyting. 我说 yes...
房东老太太犹豫了下 又问did u eat ？
我说 no. 她接着说 so u didn’t eat .
我说 yes ......
估计她当时要崩溃了
第一次跟老外去打painball，玩的是抢旗的那种。由于第一次玩，一直跟着个看起来很专业的队友跑，
一路上躲着子弹跑到对方的base. 我们人都挂了，对方就剩一个人在看老家。
就听那老外跟我说了一大堆术语，我也没听懂。他看我没听懂就跟我说：it’s easy just cover me when i go out. 说完了就喊了一声 cover me! 然后跑了出去，
我也不懂他是让我掩护他，没等我想清楚他就跑了。
我就顺手从一个箱子上扯下来一块帆布，丢他头上，把他盖住了。结果他就光荣牺牲了。当时大部分人都挂了，在旁边观战。所有人都笑趴了。
刚来的时候看到很多大厦门口都有 smoke free..... 我由衷的感叹..加拿大就是好,抽烟都免费...朋友那个汗.....
.
第一次打电话叫TAXI......对方问where you from.....我回答CHINA,还在奇怪叫taxi还分国籍~?对方可能以为我在搞笑,很郁闷的说 sorry, we can not do that.....我一听...火大...怎么有种族歧视啊..就问: why~?对方楞了半天,挂了.....
我朋友刚来的时候不认识什么人, 所以在班上试图交朋友, 一日, 觉得一白人哥们人挺好,
于是想要人家电话号码,日后做朋友, 于是问:HOW MANY IS YOU PHONE NUMBER?
白人说:TEN. (加拿大号码是十位的
刚来加拿大的时候去酒吧玩。。而且还带了一个美美去的，她在国外呆了很一段时间。。。我看她很吊的样子，于是我就装的很帅， 走过去打算请她喝酒， 于是我问她，喝什么酒，她说。。sex ON THE beach...但是当时很吵，我也压根不知道酒吧里都啥酒名，听成 son of bitch...当时我也愣了下， 然后吧台很性感的bartender已经在等我叫酒，我回头大声地喊，can i have a son of bitch....... 接下来。。我不想再回忆 我的一个朋友说，当时他一个不懂英文的朋友刚来多伦多，自己一个人出去了，迷路了然后打电话给他，他说没关系你把你现在呆的地方路名拼给我听，他朋友一个字母一个字母地拼出来了“S ---T--O--P",我那朋友当场就乐傻啦！
有个朋友来加拿大第一次去吃牛排，服务员问How would you like your steak done? 我朋友没听懂，就听别人点的时候说medium , 他就想“我不能跟他们学”。他就跟服务员说，large please.服务员一愣，说sorry we don’t have that. 然后他又说，small please.服务员又吓了一跳，说sorry wedon’t have that.
他身边的朋友着急了，告诉他，人家问你牛排要几分熟。、他随口就说，80% 。服务员又一愣说，sorry we don’t have that...
刚来的时候去麦当劳吃饭 没有餐巾 然后跟人说要paper 那人过会给我拿来了张白纸 还问do you need a pen? 我狂晕了半天然后去厕所洗手的
还有我听朋友讲的。他们一起上ESL，有个大哥每天都坐第一排，特认真的听课，然后有一天老师看他这么认真，上课就主动和他讲话。老师说：how are you?他说：twenty-two.老师忍了下说：what did you do yesterday? 他说：yes......从此老师再没和他对过话~~~
我朋友刚来，坐公车。有个传教士类的人特友好的跟他打招呼，说How is going. 他说go to school~~~~~那个人一下就不会了。。。
来的第二年了，我去商店买鞋，然后拿着就去问营业员：is this made of beef or pork ( 俺的意思就是猪皮还是牛皮的），那个营业员的表情到现在都记得。
刚来，去SENECA 体育馆打羽毛球，不会说羽毛球，连手势带比划，看门小姐还是不懂。 急了！！！ 大声的说： i want a ball can fly, like a bird. please !看门小姐一脸迷茫的跟我说了一堆。 我还是没懂。同去的朋友告诉我说：她不负责抓鸟。
刚来的时候我们三人行，好朋友，两女一男。有天合伙去市场，那个男生想买茄子，上来就问“how much for one kilometer?” 我和另一个女生觉得太丢脸，默默的闪开装不认识他
朋友的男朋友好猛，他刚来的时候去超市，人家问他要不要cash back，他还以为买东西还有钱收，就说要！ 人家问他要多少，他就跟人家说：as much as possible !
在网上看到一个人说他同学刚出国闹的笑话，问他最近干什么，他说去看电影，然后问他有什么好电影，他说过两天有一部电影叫“COMING SOON”。
再贡献一个我爸的...假期的时候school office的老师找我打电话到中国的家里的 我爸爸一个人在家接了电话...那边一串英文中他只听到了我的名字于是他坚定的回答:XXX(我的名字)yes!English NO!tomorrow please!就挂了...那边瀑布汗啊~话说我爸还真是吧基础英语发挥到了及至~~~ | 
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发表于 2012-8-21 14:58:47
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