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https://www.facebook.com/shittownsofnewzealand/photos/a.225979491072799/1048629578807782
Auckland’s affluent eastern suburbs are overrun by private school old boys, their botoxed trophy wives and their clueless offspring. The primary modes of transport are SUVs that never leave the pristine paved streets of Pakuranga - clogging up chronically congested roads as their owners drive to the gym to use a walking machine - and bicycles ridden kamikaze-style by smug Lycra-clad cyclists who weave in and out of traffic with their balls hanging out.
The eastern suburbs are also packed to the rafters with geriatrics of every stripe, an entire region collectively waiting for someone to lower the pillow over their face so they don’t have to worry about having a conversation with a Pakistani at the supermarket. These wrinkly reactionaries have made an artform of rejecting any sort of progress, exploding into a talkback rant or slamming out a letter to the editor at any suggestion they join the 21st century. As if taunting its ultra-conservative inhabitants, the seaside area includes a number of suburbs with positively pornographic names - Mellons Bay, Cockle Bay and Half Moon Bay. Common hobbies in East Auckland include fist-shaking, erectile dysfunction, and driving around the sprawling subdivisions of Botany while staring out the car window wistfully and muttering ‘This all used to be farmland’. |
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