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标题: ain't here looking for average joe [打印本页]
作者: tina223    时间: 2013-10-6 22:05:06     标题: ain't here looking for average joe

本帖最后由 tina223 于 2013-10-6 22:13 编辑

average Joe that I come across day in and day out just bores me stiff. they could stare at Kim Kadarshian's derriere on Women's magazine，scrubbing her twart in their wander and mind screwing her for hours on end; but eventually when they set out to tuck that ding dong to kingka that ling long, their wiener would either don't budge an inch or go flat out flabby in a mere matter of seconds.

Now, I am gonna turn a new leaf hoping the next year that is yet to be written in my book won't be a repeat of another annus horribillis. So hear me out, gentle an meek hombres, you can all now bugger off for I need a Chucky-ish man to be my companion.

Therefore, if you are a dead ringer for Chucky and are at least 1/2 as naughty as he used to be when he was on that tomato sauce spree. Come knock on my door and lets talk.

Leave a private message here if you are interested AND ABOVE ALL, only if you are Chucky-ish.
作者: Memory787    时间: 2013-10-6 22:18:20

你这个英语我很看不懂
作者: Conax    时间: 2013-10-6 22:45:57

Memory787 发表于 2013-10-6 22:18
你这个英语我很看不懂

沒甚麼，她是說她要很能幹的男人。
作者: Memory787    时间: 2013-10-6 22:57:28

Conax 发表于 2013-10-6 22:45
沒甚麼，她是說她要很能幹的男人。

哦哦 看了老半天 没读明白  原来你一句话就给我点开了
作者: elvis123    时间: 2013-10-6 23:37:35

写的什么狗屁英文，语法太烂，这么装13，怎么不找洋人啊
作者: 陌生的香港人    时间: 2013-10-7 09:23:52

elvis123 发表于 2013-10-6 23:37
写的什么狗屁英文，语法太烂，这么装13，怎么不找洋人啊

華女找洋人何需英文好？會叫就行了 你懂的
作者: 北京青年12    时间: 2013-10-7 12:55:42

feminism:p
作者: 高飞    时间: 2013-10-7 18:58:32

本帖最后由 高飞 于 2013-10-7 17:58 编辑

FML观光团到此一游
作者: Randy@NZ    时间: 2013-10-7 19:08:29

高飞 发表于 2013-10-7 17:58
FML观光团到此一游

追随FML名人的脚步
作者: feistykaye    时间: 2013-10-7 19:18:25

太搞笑了。
作者: 高飞    时间: 2013-10-7 21:36:06

Randy@NZ 发表于 2013-10-7 18:08
追随FML名人的脚步

T妹妹想找大的
作者: Randy@NZ    时间: 2013-10-7 21:42:00

高飞 发表于 2013-10-7 20:36
T妹妹想找大的

那他应该是发错论坛了吧
作者: 高飞    时间: 2013-10-7 22:00:20

Memory787 发表于 2013-10-6 21:18
你这个英语我很看不懂

人家写的是藏头诗，谁看懂了，T妹就以身相许
作者: 高飞    时间: 2013-10-7 22:00:48

Randy@NZ 发表于 2013-10-7 20:42
那他应该是发错论坛了吧

作者: LOST_NZ    时间: 2013-10-7 22:07:16

Conax 发表于 2013-10-6 22:45
沒甚麼，她是說她要很能幹的男人。

晕，我看成了她说她是很能干的男人。
作者: LOST_NZ    时间: 2013-10-7 22:07:34

强帖，帮顶 ，求人速速领走LZ。
作者: Memory787    时间: 2013-10-8 00:04:17

elvis123 发表于 2013-10-6 23:37
写的什么狗屁英文，语法太烂，这么装13，怎么不找洋人啊


我说我看不懂  你教教我   给我老公看了  他说他说了一辈子英语 没懂她要说什么。。。。
他说应该是想拽英语拽成鸟语了
作者: Memory787    时间: 2013-10-8 00:06:05

高飞 发表于 2013-10-7 22:00
人家写的是藏头诗，谁看懂了，T妹就以身相许

太搞笑了 我脑子不够用 这个是神贴
作者: batboy21    时间: 2013-10-8 15:18:02

I ain't your average joe

I have the I.Q. of plankton and the physique of a heavily pregnant blue whale. I'm condescending, ill-tempered, spiteful, selfish, unnecessarily flatulent and interminably boring. In my spare time I collect Lithuanian folk music, knit cardigans for intellectually-handicapped dwarves and masturbate feverishly over glossy, full-page spreads of Hellen Clark. I was disowned by my immediate family at the tender age of six after suffocating my younger sibling with a pair of gumboots and a roll of electrical tape. My mother once described me as 'an odious, foul-smelling troglodyte with the manners of a chimp and a face that effortlessly induces spontaneous bowel evacuation in all those within a radius of four miles'. My father would regularly beat me to within an inch of my life with a tyre iron, riding crop, electrical extension cord or brick, all the while informing me that it was 'for my own good'. He'd then lock me in the cupboard under the stairs for days on end, forcing me to subsist on a diet of dandruff, ear wax and polystyrene beads.

Despite this appalling treatment, I've managed to shrug off the ghosts of my past to become a fine, upstanding member of the community, free of any petty resentments, emotional hang-ups or behavioural eccentricities. I wear a lot of black. I have an abnormal aversion to natural light. I find snide remarks and facetious comments to be the only means through which I'm able to effectively communicate to the rest of the human race my wants, needs and opinions, almost all of which are offensive. I hate sport. Cars are a means of transporting oneself from Point A to Point B. They are not a way to compensate for one's microscopic genitals. I love movies but refuse to visit the cinema for fear of suffering a complete psychological collapse and choking to death the slack-jawed dullard who felt compelled to bring his cell phone. Or rustle his packet of chips. Or talk in an unnecessarily loud voice over a scene of vital importance to the comprehension of the plot. I've been sacked for being 'rude' to customers. Twice. I'm narcissistic, intolerant, vindictive and relentlessly sarcastic. I'm not a very nice person.

Fortunately, I have a well-developed sense of humour which serves to completely negate any negative characteristics I may or may not possess.
作者: lodn    时间: 2013-10-8 17:20:17

Conax 发表于 2013-10-6 22:45
沒甚麼，她是說她要很能幹的男人。

能干的男人？什么标准呀
作者: Conax    时间: 2013-10-8 17:48:35

lodn 发表于 2013-10-8 17:20
能干的男人？什么标准呀

如果你需要問，你就沒有達到她的標準
作者: yonghaoo    时间: 2013-10-9 00:58:35

提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽
作者: tina223    时间: 2013-10-9 01:09:39

本帖最后由 tina223 于 2013-10-9 08:16 编辑

SING SING DOWN AND WHERE TO EAT
作者: oceanhome    时间: 2013-10-9 01:35:03

这样的女生，很痛苦啊！！  和毛利小屁孩，和帕克哈的小屁哈混久了，，，也不知道自己是哪族哪派的。。。。想想还是华人男孩靠谱，，又怕华人男孩太土。。。。所以用街边英语来这里小试牛刀。。。看看有没有合适的香蕉人ABC  ????    这位女生在这里算是客气的，，如果她给你发短信，你一定会疯掉！！  但是她自己感觉非常的好，这才是牛B ！！ 这样的女生抽烟，喝酒，烫头。。。样样在行。。。。。哈哈
作者: 我会空手套白狼    时间: 2013-10-9 08:11:10

你什么时候再发一个

[男找女] ain't here looking for plain jane

作者: tina223    时间: 2013-10-9 08:15:59

batboy21 发表于 2013-10-8 15:18
I ain't your average joe

I have the I.Q. of plankton and the physique of a heavily pregnant blu ...

MY DREAM - THE FOLLOWING IS A WORK OF FANTASY. ANY RESEMBLANCE TO REAL PEOPLE AND/OR EVENTS iIS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.


The wit of algae pumps iron unto your gourd, putting you up on your mettle. You quit ur blathering barnacles  and dingy dive to the bottom of the bottomless pit to fornicate with an albino whale from whence you pry open the cetacean gash and unearth for yourself the shape of a seriously knocked up whopper having a bun in her belly.
You finally decide that enuf is enuf and cut loose with the flock you hook up with and come out reeking of the stench of a marine wanker and claiming the crown of the Messiah in marine obstetrics.

You come back home pauper status.
nowadays you can't wheedle dwarfs into acquiring your knit-work for which the dwarf's immediate predecessors in title used to pay through their fuckin schnooks in their demanted obedience. Now, they want freebies, a two-way ticket to and fro your rectum before they would even consider buying a scarf.

Your brother ain't dead. He just pined for the fjords cuz unbeknownst to you he was a miscegenation between ur genes and those of a seriously prego Norwegian blue whale who has since stitched up her snatch to let on a false appearance of chastity, and yet all the while pining away in wistful longing for the return of the adrenal pumping pleasure that, once sent off down her beavers, had born you a brother. Ur gumboots did not dent yo bro a bit; he had the auspice of the uncanny gene from the whale that would guarantee him a bailout in every snaf he could possibly find himself in. As to the whereabouts of the gumboots, your brother ate them and used the remnants to embellish his sack 6 feet under where he'd reposed until most recently. He has awakened to the urge of getting even; this time, he ain't resort to gumboots for heavenly retribution; he will ram that Swiss sausage down the rubber and stick that pulsating wiener in the craw of the aforesaid Messiah.  Here comes the Messiah with a dildo lapping over his trap.  

Your mum is gonna welcome you with open arms and aromatic teats that have invigorated in every pore thereof since the return of her prodigal son. She won't chide, much less whip, you for all sorts of transgressions of varying degrees which you have since the tender age of 6 committed. You ain't smell troglodyte for you are a neanderthal already and being rancid beyond earthly bears the hallmark of a neanderthal, thus divine. You don't act the part of a chimp cuz since King Kong died  inhaling your divinity you have been crowned the king of chimps. Your face ain't nauseating; besides being used to haunt a 6-bedroom dwelling for free, it's pawned off as the most effective replacement for enema kits. A melancholy yearning for rectum is seen as a gold thread running throughout the theme and touches off, in its passing, rounds of applauses and forelock tugging from naughty flatulists.

Your papa has upgraded his repertoire of weaponry sincean overseas trip to a place dubbed Sodom. Instead of using the thingys that have worn to a frazzle, he would now wield his sjambok and beat up your effigy   until it's torn to pieces and is nudged within an inch of its expiry range. The cupboard where you used to play hide and seek with your papa has been shattered thanks to the foreplay you mama and papa staged within. With a flare of creativity, your papa would sneak in the toilet recess whatever is left of the effigy after a good whipping

If a ghost stands in my way clanking his medieval chain, I would as soon cut his apparitional ass down as I have him in the cross hairs of my Gatlling.  The speed of me blipping ghosts off the grid does not make me the antithesis to a misanthrope;  I quit knocking off ghosts and don on my best bib and tucker so I can skull fuck the snobs who have aversion to everything illuminating or iridescent.  

I sunbathe in the pleasure of having the goosebumps that Borscht vulgarities send down my spine. It came to pass that the blue whale's Jew too. I rode in a doozie flivver that constantly plays the B flat and leaves me in the lurch. When this happens, I hitch ride and drygulch the eccentric nerd to give me a head down the clams when I drive and swerve. For me, beaters are not only a means of geting A to G but a way to attain the epiphany that Kama Sutra bears witness to.

I chuck everything vibrating and shining in my Hermes that I take with me whenever I go see a flick. The movie I watched last time had Mat Damon in it. It took some getting used to cuz Damon in the movie was not the Damon I used to for he was baldy and bulky from waist up. That did not bother me, not at all.  What's busting my hump during the movie was a nerdy 30ish having the shape of a prego whale and plopping his behind on the seat next to mine. I forgot to switch my Vertu to "shut-up" mode and it went ablaze 5minutes into the movie that literally knocked every audience in trance off their feet . The nerdy next to me appeared to be chomping at the bit even more, eager to scrape up some acquaintance, with his left paw sneaking to the back of my neck and his right hook glistering with his eggwhites seen groping for the bag of fries I was carrying.

Fortunately, I messed him up real bad and sent him banging and barreling down out of the hall, an incident which caused him to blow his cool on a girl aged,as we'd remarked, 6. That cost him his job; stripped off the only means of subsistence, he was left alone on streets to score smack and fend for himself.

YUK, I wake up to the sound of my alarm realizing the above is but another phantasmagoria of weird dreams of mine.

FOR FLOPPY PLOPPY - YOU PULLED THE TROPE ONCE; SHROUDED IN UNGAINLY FLAMBOYANCE IT DID   STRIKE AS SOMETHING OUT OF KILTER WITH THE ORDINARY. BUT WHEN YOU USE THAT SAME PUNCHLINE OVER AND OVER TO THE POINT OF ABUSE, IT BECOMES CLICHEIC, IF NOT ENTIRELY ASININE.  PLZ COME UP WITH SOMETHING NEW. TO FALL BACK ON ANACHRONIC  NOTES AND REGURGITATE THRICE OVER THE SHIZNIT VERBATIM DOES NOT WIN U A THIRD TIME CHARM.

Ce Fini
作者: Acticars    时间: 2013-10-9 13:03:43

To tian123 and bathboy21, very interesting articles, look forwrad seeing more..............
作者: chang824    时间: 2013-10-9 14:31:10

作者: DEY828    时间: 2013-10-9 14:33:42

作者: MSM    时间: 2013-10-9 16:10:13

FML 观光团后期领导来指导慰问.
作者: batboy21    时间: 2013-10-9 17:01:27

PURELY COINCIDENTAL

OMG that was you at the movies I caught a glimpse of you sitting there looking innocent just as the lights where going down so I headed over you way with the dwarfs. As I approached you dived into your Hermes only to emerge with what could only be described as a gargantuan black dildo the dwarf’s looked bemused at how that implement could fit inside a Hermes.

You then went tit’s down and you big white flabby arse came up in the air as you searched for a 240v outlet to power up the gargantuan black dildo as you came up your eye’s where wide and you where dribbling at the mouth with excitement no longer did you have that sweet innocent look about you the dwarf’s where terrified I had to quickly beat one off before I reached you

By the time I had reached you. You had buttered up your gargantuan black implement from your popcorn and mounted it and was going hammer and tong’s at the sight of Mat Damon on the screen I plopped my behind on the seat next to you and you grasped my hand and started to suckling on the egg white's as you high tide was approaching as you climaxed you sprayed the dwarf’s and sucked off two of my finger nail’s  the dildo flew of like a missile and buried it’s self in one of the dwarf’s rectum while he was ducking from your spray. While I was consoling the traumatised dwarf’s and trying to tend to my finger’s you disappeared never to be seen again I thought but no here you are in search of a Chucky
作者: wendylennane    时间: 2013-10-10 18:56:55

DEY828 发表于 2013-10-9 13:33

omg                {:8_392:}
作者: jkcui    时间: 2013-10-10 20:41:19

wendylennane 发表于 2013-10-10 18:56
omg

哇塞，这些年轻人的英语真是不错啊！这么好的才女，咋会没人欣赏呢？
作者: wendylennane    时间: 2013-10-10 20:43:48

jkcui 发表于 2013-10-10 19:41
哇塞，这些年轻人的英语真是不错啊！这么好的才女，咋会没人欣赏呢？

oh oh     
作者: jkcui    时间: 2013-10-10 20:47:45

wendylennane 发表于 2013-10-10 20:43
oh oh

说真的，就事论事，如果不是从小就在这里读书的孩子，英文真的是很难达到这个地步的。
作者: wendylennane    时间: 2013-10-10 21:00:23

jkcui 发表于 2013-10-10 19:47
说真的，就事论事，如果不是从小就在这里读书的孩子，英文真的是很难达到这个地步的。

作者: susie77    时间: 2013-10-10 22:23:16

神啊，带它走吧。
作者: jkcui    时间: 2013-10-11 07:49:40

susie77 发表于 2013-10-10 22:23
神啊，带它走吧。

求神也带我走吧！
作者: susie77    时间: 2013-10-11 12:34:37

jkcui 发表于 2013-10-11 07:49
求神也带我走吧！

求你把它带走吧
作者: jkcui    时间: 2013-10-11 13:49:38

susie77 发表于 2013-10-11 12:34
求你把它带走吧

我的好版主啊，我要是有那个本事，就不用在这里起劲儿地吹了耶。哈哈。。
作者: sugarbabe    时间: 2013-10-11 22:14:35

jkcui 发表于 2013-10-11 13:49
我的好版主啊，我要是有那个本事，就不用在这里起劲儿地吹了耶。哈哈。。

为了造福看八卦的群众。。崔哥你翻译翻译可好。。可能有很多男生想应聘可是碍于沟通不便
作者: jkcui    时间: 2013-10-11 22:30:48

sugarbabe 发表于 2013-10-11 22:14
为了造福看八卦的群众。。崔哥你翻译翻译可好。。可能有很多男生想应聘可是碍于沟通不便

谢谢你瞧得起我！但坦白地说，即使我这个翻译官对里面的个别词语也吃不透，拿捏不准，
查词典也不给力，但我真的挺佩服缇娜和那个打擂台的鲸鱼的语言能力的。
我和缇娜已经化敌为友，成为朋友了，我不想让她误会我，除非她请我翻译。
作者: 巴依老爷    时间: 2013-10-21 23:21:18

这么著名的帖子我不留个印，以后都不好混了。。呵呵
作者: 中国人在NZ    时间: 2013-10-26 13:11:14

版主没删帖，是不是没看懂
作者: Westy_mate    时间: 2013-11-8 11:46:32

Hey hows it going? just saw your post on Skykiwi.

Im just looking for some casual fun/dating, Wasnt too sure if that was what you were after too?

Anyways, im not Chinese but I have a QQ, facebook etc..

My QQ is 1469557147
My facebook is www.facebook.com/lolmas
作者: ciao_cestlavie    时间: 2014-7-3 22:36:08

batboy21 发表于 2013-10-8 14:18
I ain't your average joe

I have the I.Q. of plankton and the physique of a heavily pregnant blu ...

Bravo..........
作者: martin1860    时间: 2014-7-3 23:09:29

现在，我会翻开新的一页，希望明年也就是尚未被写在我的书会不会成为另一个Annus补充horribillis重演。所以，听我说完，温柔的温顺HOMBRES，你可以现在都开溜
作者: martin1860    时间: 2014-7-3 23:14:29

大家都在哪里学的英语啊。好汗颜
作者: wtbhouse    时间: 2014-7-4 00:05:56

I have came into New Zealand for 12 years. My English is middle up but why I cannot understand evan one sentance of your article. I just tried to read the first line and there are 5 English words I have never seen in my life. What is 平均Joe?  bores? stiff? stare?derriere?
作者: 我就是yigubigu    时间: 2014-7-8 00:55:38

wtbhouse 发表于 2014-7-3 23:05
I have came into New Zealand for 12 years. My English is middle up but why I cannot understand evan  ...

认真你就输了，我也觉得，如果有我也看不懂 的英文，要不是莎士比亚的文章，要不就是**不通的文章了。故弄玄虚是行不通的，毕竟那是英文，又不是甲骨文，该知道的大家还是会知道的。



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