Yes communication with kids is an art.
We need to learn active listening skills as parents.
Just quote something about active listening from a bood I am reading which I think is helpful for communication.
here are four approaches parents use to talki to their children.
1. patronising (oh, you poor things, let me fix it for you."
2. lecturing (you are stupid to have got into this mess, so I will tell you what to do. Now listen carefully to me...)
3. Distracting (Oh well, never mind, that's no big deal. let's go and play)
these communication approaches put up a barrier between your children and you.
4. active listening. this approach is found as the most positive way parents can help kids find ways dealing with life later on so he or she will be less vulnerable.
the following shows the examples for each approach.作者: assel 时间: 2013-4-5 13:35:57
本帖最后由 assel 于 2013-4-5 13:47 编辑
Patronising "How was your day?
"Bad!"
"Oh, your poor things. Come and tell me all about it."
"We had this new teach for maths. And I couldn't keep up."
"Well, thats really awful. Do you want me to help you with the work after tea?"
"I did not bring it home."
"Perhaps I could ring the schoo tomorrow and talk to the principal?"
"Oh, well, I dunno..."
"I think its best to get to the bottom of things before it gets worse, don't you?"
"Well, err...mmm."
"I wouldn't want your education to suffer."
"Uh-huh."作者: assel 时间: 2013-4-5 13:39:24
Lecturing
"How was your day?"
"Bad."
"Well, you're a fine one to complain. If you'd spent more time learning, you would have a nice easy time."
"Well, we had a hard time. We've got this stupid new maths teacher..."
"Now don't you go talking about your teachers in that tone. If you paid a bit more attention you'd be better off, my boy. You think you should have everything on a plate!"
"Hmmm."作者: assel 时间: 2013-4-5 13:41:31
Distracting
"How was your day?"
"Bad!"
"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad was it? You want to eat something?"
"Thanks. I'm a bit worried about maths..."
"Well, you're no Einstein, but neither are your Mum and dad. You go and have some fun and don't let it get you down..."
"Uh-huh."作者: assel 时间: 2013-4-5 13:47:02
Active listening
"How was your day?"
"Bad!"
"You look really unhappy. What went wrong?"
"We've got a new teacher for maths. He goes too fast."
"You're worried you won't be able to keep up?"
"Yes. I asked him to explain part of it and he said just to pay more attention."
"Hmmm...How did you feel about that?"
"Really wild-the other kids all laughed at me...but they're having trouble understanding too!"
"So you're angry that you got into trouble because you asked the question first?"
"Yes, I don't like getting shown up in front of everyone."
"What do you think you will do?"
"I am not sure. I suppose I could ask him again, when the class is over."
"You think that would work better?"
"Yes, then I wouldn't feel so embarrassed. And I think the teacher is a bit nervous too. Maybe that's why he rushes."
"You can understand it from his point of view?"
"Yeah, I reckon he's just nervous of us."
"No wonder, teaching such smart kids like you!"
"Yeah!"
