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标题: Marrying into a Chinese family [打印本页]

作者: Malsicine 时间: 2012-5-4 11:09:12 标题: Marrying into a Chinese family

Dating for a long time now. Spoke of childrens and marriage. He have to go back to China and wishes that I join him. I am unsure as I don't know the language or lifestyle as never been to China. I love him and will endure but how much is too much? One thing I am worried is his parents as have never met them. Will they accept a foreigner marrying into a Chinese family?

作者: dangessss 时间: 2012-5-4 11:11:51

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作者: 寒栖 时间: 2012-5-4 11:16:29

lol..............

作者: woohu 时间: 2012-5-4 11:19:21

dont need to worry, from south of china, most of chinese parents are welcome for a foreigner to be their son-in-law or daught-in-law. they are proud of this to be happened..

作者: prayer914 时间: 2012-5-4 11:20:36

Which city is he going?

作者: annie0002 时间: 2012-5-4 11:20:58

GOOD LUCK!
You will love China soon.

It is a very beautiful country. And Chinese people are very, very friendly to foreigners .

作者: 韵儿 时间: 2012-5-4 11:23:57

Just go and see how it goes, if you like then stay, if you don't then leave.

作者: aklsunshine 时间: 2012-5-4 11:26:31

看来一洋妞/其他外国妞找一国男，大家都是以鼓励姿态啊！！

为啥国女找洋人或其他外国男，打击声就一片呢？

值得深思

作者: jinduoduo7 时间: 2012-5-4 11:27:53

真的是外国人来屎盖发帖？屎盖火了

作者: lanqianxue 时间: 2012-5-4 11:30:36

很奇怪，老外怎么找到这个网站，还能找到论坛发帖的？？？

作者: 香草味甜点 时间: 2012-5-4 11:32:36

从楼主的英语水平看，她不像是以英语为母语的外国人啊

作者: heero_ho 时间: 2012-5-4 11:34:12

不一定是kiwi吧，外国人也可说是韩国，日本，或东南亚的。

作者: heero_ho 时间: 2012-5-4 11:35:07

woohu 发表于 2012-5-4 11:19
dont need to worry, from south of china, most of chinese parents are welcome for a foreigner to be t ...

长江以北的就不欢迎了？

作者: georgezlei 时间: 2012-5-4 11:40:09

I think your concern is very reasonable. Try to live with their family for a while and I am sure there will be some problems. The feasibility of your boyfriend's plan depends on whether you can resolve these problems together.

Chinese culture is very different. If you want to live there, you must give up some things of your own and learn to do everything in Chinese way.

作者: Malsicine 时间: 2012-5-4 11:48:50

He introduced me to this site and luckily for me there is translation bar on top

What is the Chinese way? That is the part I am afraid of. Alone in a country without a friend other than him.

作者: yellowfishs 时间: 2012-5-4 11:50:37

I just got some curious questions for ya:

1. If you don't know Chinese, how could you know if your post is in the right forum? Just becaues the forum's name is in English (FML)?
2. How did you choose the right category of your post (爱情), and how did you know which button is "发帖" and "回复"?

作者: outsider2009 时间: 2012-5-4 11:52:45

香草味甜点发表于 2012-5-4 11:32
从楼主的英语水平看，她不像是以英语为母语的外国人啊

呵呵 childrens~~~~{:8_392:}

作者: Malsicine 时间: 2012-5-4 11:56:58

本帖最后由 Malsicine 于 2012-5-4 11:59 编辑

yellowfishs 发表于 2012-5-4 11:50
I just got some curious questions for ya:

1. If you don't know Chinese, how could you know if yo ...

I don't know why I'm even bothering to reply to your tedious questions but here goes.

The translation bar above translate Chinese into English with a few grammar mistakes but I got the drift.

To post is the big orange sign. I've seen my boyfriend does it enough to know what the click of the orange button does and if you go back to main page of your Everyday stories menu. Love is on the 2nd line so to make a post, I would choose the 2nd one and so be it. Common sense really. Rest is in English!
Why does it kept putting "the" on my paragraph?

作者: lolor0 时间: 2012-5-4 11:58:04

you're lucky. foreigners are usually welcomed in China. And you have advantage you know, since you're a foreigner, you don't have to follow many family rules unless you want to. I'd say, most Chinese parents care for their kids, you'll be protected. And you can easily find job and get a reasonable good pay in China. You can consider moving to China someday, the longer you stay there, the more you will love, especially China is huge and there is history everywhere you go and you won't get bore.

作者: guncritx 时间: 2012-5-4 12:04:55

don't worry too much. there might be some cultural gap, but humble and patient (the chinese modelled values) will do the job.

i don't really know about the mainland china right now. however, in many chinese culture, once you married with their kids, they will consider you as son/daughter.

作者: Thomas9999 时间: 2012-5-4 12:06:29

我不会英文，看不懂

作者: E的小J猪 时间: 2012-5-4 12:06:58

回帖是骗来的

作者: heero_ho 时间: 2012-5-4 12:19:06

Malsicine 发表于 2012-5-4 11:56
I don't know why I'm even bothering to reply to your tedious questions but here goes.

The trans ...

Did u use google toolbar to translate chinese into english???

作者: Venox10111 时间: 2012-5-4 12:19:32

Malsicine 发表于 2012-5-4 11:56
I don't know why I'm even bothering to reply to your tedious questions but here goes.

The trans ...

I used the translation bar when I am visiting Jap/Korean sites as well... technology just made communication much easier.

Making a living in China is actually easier for "foreigners", there are many highly paid job out there so don't worry about that too much.

Maybe it's the best that you start learning simple Chinese that will definitively impress your bf's parents.

作者: Malsicine 时间: 2012-5-4 12:25:56

本帖最后由 Malsicine 于 2012-5-4 12:28 编辑

Yes but how much humble and patience? That is the part I am afraid of. It can still be pretty hard to be humble, especially when you live in a society that encourages competition and individuality.

Just don't want to fail and have his parents disappointed in me.

作者: SKYPIERE 时间: 2012-5-4 12:30:20

稀奇稀奇真稀奇，外国木耳找屌丝，请你秀张美鲍照，证明你是粉木耳。

作者: Malsicine 时间: 2012-5-4 12:36:11

本帖最后由 Malsicine 于 2012-5-4 12:42 编辑

@ Skypiere not sure what that mean. Sound like a poem though

@ Heero_ho and Venox yes the google translation is great. And yes I am learning but it is quite complicated and he gets frustrated when teaching me and so we argue. Best is not to learn from love ones.

作者: SKYPIERE 时间: 2012-5-4 12:40:10

Malsicine 发表于 2012-5-4 12:36
@ Skypiere not sure what that mean. Sound like a poem though

@ Heero_ho and Venox, yes google tr ...

是赞美你poem，不用感谢我，跪舔就可以了

作者: jorco 时间: 2012-5-4 12:42:20

You just need to be polite..I believe your boyfriend to tell you what to do and how to do..keep your smile on you as Chinese are really focus on "polite" and "smile"....also, you better try to learn some chinese language, his family would be surprised if you could speak chinese to them and be much more nicer to you.

Welcome to China and God bless you.

作者: koddie 时间: 2012-5-4 12:46:19

I too agree that you have a valid concern.
Why don't you start by taking some Chinese lessons? You don't have to be married immediately. Why don't you go and live with him for awhile to see what it is like?
Every family is different, Chinese or not, it's hard for someone else to give you an opnion on it.
In the end. This is your choice.

作者: love_3_month 时间: 2012-5-4 12:49:42

本帖最后由 love_3_month 于 2012-5-4 12:52 编辑

first of all, welcome to a Chinese forum :)

it is hard to say. some part of china is just like western country, some part of china is like 100 year ago.

so are the ppl. they are all different. some would love to have a non-chinese in-law, some would die @@

so the question is what kind of person your bf is, his education background, his family, his plan for future......and see you can live with that.

in general it is very likely (90%?) that the couple will live with the parents in the future as the parents do not speak much English. Actually most chinese young people like that, as parents help and support them a lot (like housework, baby sitting). most kiwi don't live with parents when grow up, so this is quite a big difference. You could be in the 10%, you need to find it by yourself.

作者: love_3_month 时间: 2012-5-4 12:53:42

in general it is very likely (90%?) that the couple will live with the parents in the future as the parents do not speak much English (if the parents move to NZ in the futre)

作者: 花天堂 时间: 2012-5-4 13:00:33

Honey. Chances are your husband-to-be has read your post already.

I will leave the rest to the netizen to comment.

作者: Steph 时间: 2012-5-4 13:10:13

Don't worry too much,and just give it a go!I believe that even if you marry to someone of your own country,there are still problems,and that's what life is!

作者: 大师致富 时间: 2012-5-4 13:11:39

aklsunshine 发表于 2012-5-4 11:26
看来一洋妞/其他外国妞找一国男，大家都是以鼓励姿态啊！！

为啥国女找洋人或其他外国男，打击声就一片呢 ...

为啥要喊男女平等？为啥要女士优先而没有男士优先？为啥说女人能顶半边天，没人说男人能顶半边天？为啥要讲女权不讲男权？

作者: Malsicine 时间: 2012-5-4 13:31:01

Just really hard as been together for a number of years. Live together and every night after work, I always have a warm meal waiting or him or we go out and eat. The house is always clean. He never complain and rarely argue except when he is teaching me Chinese.

He think it will be okay for me to adapt living in China but again it is his birth country so easy for him to say. I have to say goodbye to my family and friends and trek across to unknown.

Thank you all. Have taken all the valid opinions on board. I guess the only thing is pack and move and see. Maybe I will grow to love the country and settle in comfortably and maybe not.

作者: manchild 时间: 2012-5-4 13:43:04

unbelievable.

作者: NewLynnHse 时间: 2012-5-4 13:44:45

Just do it! Don't live with the "what ifs". All the best!!

作者: love_3_month 时间: 2012-5-4 13:50:31

ops, "He have to go back to China and wishes that I join him.", just realize he wants to move back permanently?

that could be hard for you. however, most of migrants in this country have done this: move to another country with no friend, at least you have someone loving you there :) so should be ok.

At least you could have a try. maybe take a trip first to see how the life looks like and decide your next step.

作者: 爱国爱港 时间: 2012-5-4 14:14:24

本帖最后由爱国爱港于 2012-5-5 01:56 编辑

Malsicine 发表于 2012-5-4 12:25
Yes but how much humble and patience? That is the part I am afraid of. It can still be pretty hard t ...

I gotta tell you the worst scenario. You know in every country and culture, there are parents-in-law from hell. No matter how hard you try to impress them, they don't give a damn.

There is a popular Chinese saying: "Find bones inside eggs" which mean there are negative people who always look into dark side and pick on somebody's wrong.

Anyway, I wanna give bless to you and hope your future parents-in-law are mentally healthy with open minds.

East Asians' families do emphasis more on harmony. Being agressive and loud is bad in east Asians families. I guess after you spend some time in your fiancés family, you would able to master yourself to be diplomatic and smooth your sharp and rough edges.

If you see problems and you want to challenge someone within the family, rather than bringing every issue up front, have a good and sensible discussion with you partner first.

Rather than in the Western world always consider self interest, east Asians' families usually more emphasis on cooperative interest of the family and your next generation (I mean your kids).

作者: 爱国爱港 时间: 2012-5-4 14:16:26

大师致富发表于 2012-5-4 13:11
为啥要喊男女平等？为啥要女士优先而没有男士优先？为啥说女人能顶半边天，没人说男人能顶半边天？为啥要 ...

没有办法，西方女权运动比较男权运动早。而且女权运动得到的支持，永远比较男权运动高

作者: 大师致富 时间: 2012-5-4 14:19:16

爱国爱港发表于 2012-5-4 14:16
没有办法，西方女权运动比较男权运动早。而且女权运动得到的支持，永远比较男权运动高

说白了都是我们的孔圣人给害的。

作者: cycycy 时间: 2012-5-4 14:33:26

骗子我懂英文都觉得外国论坛难找了。。。。不懂中文你还能在这发帖？！

作者: LJCalvin 时间: 2012-5-4 14:47:53

the earth is so dangerous, LZ is better go back to Mars la~

作者: c.luo 时间: 2012-5-4 15:22:29

Dear, you need to tell us where your bf's hometown is then we can tell you more

作者: 38.1℃ 时间: 2012-5-4 15:46:11

这英文，能是洋妞写的吗？

作者: Melody-T 时间: 2012-5-4 15:51:22

我看不懂英文....

作者: 4agefans 时间: 2012-5-4 18:12:02

好奇楼主是那国人民兄弟姐们

，不过那里都OK，欢迎到咱们家庭来

作者: feio 时间: 2012-5-4 18:17:22

应该是个骗帖的，嗯！

作者: heero_ho 时间: 2012-5-4 18:18:54

Malsicine 发表于 2012-5-4 12:36
@ Skypiere not sure what that mean. Sound like a poem though

@ Heero_ho and Venox yes the google ...

I c, google toolbar is awesome...

Give u some suggestions, mark them and consider them:

I dont know which city u are going to live?? The capital city of province?Like: NanKing, Peking, Canton? These are mega size cities in China. You will find out facilities and services which are quite similar to NZ..

However, the food, air quality, driving habits and custom are the issues u need to cope with..

good luck :)

作者: 匿名 时间: 2012-5-4 18:41:46

You will easily find a "tall rich handsome" little 3 in China... Good luck! Have fun!!

作者: liqi3205 时间: 2012-5-4 18:48:58

原来老外也说 "go back to China" ...

作者: 我的小小马甲 时间: 2012-5-4 18:51:30

Would you mind telling me where are you from? And how long you have been together?

作者: 00001 时间: 2012-5-4 19:10:19

Sure，they will accept a foreigner marrying into a Chinese family！

作者: susie77 时间: 2012-5-4 19:21:22

KIWI girl?

作者: wsyyzyy 时间: 2012-5-4 19:29:14

You love him then you should trust him, include his country and parents{:8_486:}

作者: 匿名 时间: 2012-5-4 19:36:35

Malsicine 发表于 2012-5-4 13:31
Just really hard as been together for a number of years. Live together and every night after work, I ...

remember that people always get cultural shocks, you love the country from the beginning or you hate it and then after a while you change. be aware of this psychological process.

not sure where u'r heading, but there're lots of english speaking foreigners now in the bigger cities. u wouldn't be alone.

i guess if you've decided to go, then inform yourself, their tradition, food, culture, what it's all like. be prepared. good luck

作者: 直面异议 时间: 2012-5-4 20:12:06

One thing i can assure you: no one will show middle finger to you and say:go back to your f..ing country

作者: zheng_xiao 时间: 2012-5-4 20:21:53

回覆基本上清一色是英文啊~~~~我路過看一下~~~~

作者: BaconHam 时间: 2012-5-4 20:47:47

桃之夭夭，灼灼其华。之子于归，宜其室家。
桃之夭夭，有蕡其实。之子于归，宜其家室。
桃之夭夭，其叶蓁蓁。之子于归，宜其家人。

- Google translate it..

作者: LAZIE 时间: 2012-5-4 21:13:41

Recipe, Shining. The son should Shijia.

Taozhiyaoyao Fen in fact. Son in return, should their married.

Recipe, its leaves Zenzen. Son in return, should their families

作者: Wooowa 时间: 2012-5-4 22:15:16

很好奇楼主是什么地方的人

作者: manchild 时间: 2012-5-4 22:53:08

phantom.?{:8_387:}

作者: 月影薇馨 时间: 2012-5-4 23:04:09

韵儿发表于 2012-5-4 11:23
Just go and see how it goes, if you like then stay, if you don't then leave.

agree. U can know the turth.

作者: 句号 时间: 2012-5-5 01:49:47

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作者: ...9 时间: 2012-5-5 01:57:45

.................................................

作者: 匿名 时间: 2012-5-5 04:11:56

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作者: 匿名 时间: 2012-5-5 10:27:51

He has to ....居然还有语法错误真的很让人怀疑

作者: for_undead 时间: 2012-5-5 10:37:22

you will be fine

作者: wendy0125 时间: 2012-5-6 01:34:19

Lz, can u tell us about where you from and which city was u bf come from in China, then we can tell you about it..

作者: dodo123 时间: 2012-5-6 05:04:27

是棒子还是日本？？

作者: Ardell假睫毛 时间: 2012-5-6 07:51:14

aklsunshine 发表于 2012-5-4 11:26
看来一洋妞/其他外国妞找一国男，大家都是以鼓励姿态啊！！

为啥国女找洋人或其他外国男，打击声就一片呢 ...

因为自卑。

作者: georgezlei 时间: 2012-5-6 15:03:23

Malsicine 发表于 2012-5-4 11:48
He introduced me to this site and luckily for me there is translation bar on top

What i ...

Try to admire his parents. Follow whatever they tell you unconditionally, even it is wrong.

If you have dispute with his parents, give up your own idea and follow them. If you boyfriend has dispute with his parents, try to defend his parents instead of him, even you think he is right.

You should treat his parents better than he does, even he tells you that isn't necessary.

At last, try to avoid living in same house with his parents. Unless they are really nice people, otherwise following above rules 24x7 will drive you crazy.

Sent my contact to you in private message. Pls feel free to ask me questions about Chinese cultures if you decide to move along with your boyfriend. Good luck for you.

作者: YEMUSIC 时间: 2012-5-6 16:48:59

Just try it .if you can not fit in.then leave

作者: 匿名 时间: 2012-5-8 00:27:15

aklsunshine 发表于 2012-5-4 11:26
看来一洋妞/其他外国妞找一国男，大家都是以鼓励姿态啊！！

为啥国女找洋人或其他外国男，打击声就一片呢 ...

告诉你，是我的给我放下，不是我的你也别碰

作者: 爱国爱港 时间: 2012-5-8 00:44:30

LZ disappeared!

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